07/19/2009
you spin me round…
I went to a girls night last night and had a great time. however, we got to dinner and I took my prometrium about 1/2 hr before dinner and then we had to wait for a table… I got so incredibly dizzy waiting and went to get a coke from the bar. the meds have been making me dizzy about 1 hr after taking… each time, but this was the worst. I felt drunk and my walking even furthered tha illusion!!! my girlfriend gave me trail mix to eat and that was a life saver. within an hour I was back to normal. I do not like the way it makes me feel, whether I eat or not but that was pretty scary. I’m nervous about being on it if I’m pg but I’m willing to deal with it to have a baby. keep my eye on the prize and spinning round doesn’t seem like such a trial.
07/07/2009
feelin’ hot hot hot
I’m not ready for menopause. definitely not… however the hot flashes I’ve experienced with the estrogen meds… pretty comical.
anyone that knows me would be shocked at MY initiative to turn the air conditioning in the car so high that my husband is the coldy cat!!! he even joked that I was going to freeze him out!! I am always the one in jeans and a sweatshirt, coupled with my sandals bc my feet get warm but that’s it. I’m glad to be done with the estrogen as well now.
the little I did read about the meds made me nervous so I stopped. apparently the meds aren’t approved for maintaining a pregnancy and preventing miscarriage though they are commonly prescribed to so just that. the estrogen and progesterone are meant to help make the uterus the best possible environment to sustain a pregnancy. however, these are the same drugs used in HRT and can be linked to cysts, cancer, etc. meds make me nervous. but I’m willing to give all this a shot to have a baby. I’m keeping the faith and staying positive, but anytime you mess with meds, its a little unnerving… at least to me. I really wanted to go to the holistic fertility center and do yoga herbs and such during this time… at least for this first cycle, but timing wise that just didn’t work out. I’m going to believe that I’m pregnant this month 🙂 and that I will then go there for support during the pregnancy. I also know if its the case that we move on to the next month, the holistic side of things is a huge priority for me. I also desparately need the support group bc the amount of women pregnant around us continues to climb… and I’m feeling a little left out of life with my friends that have kids. but that’s for another post, another night.
06/24/2009
the waiting game
so I’m waiting for stupid aunt flow to come. I took a pg test this past weekend. negative. that’s fine. I’m trying to just stay optimistic, but this waiting game sucks. especially when I’ve been feeling like I’ve been getting my period for the last several days.. not fun at all. and I can’t help but then wish I was pg, even when I’m sure I’m not and it just gets to be a terrible circle of events. I am not patient. I’m trying terribly hard… sleep I must. good night.
06/15/2009
clomid… clo-mood?
I read something today that called clomid ‘clo-mood’ and thought that was funny. I’m not sure just how funny that will be in a little bit, but we shall see. we met with my obgyn and I was pleasantly surprised with the amount of time she spent with us discussing our options. my husband’s doctor suggested that since his counts were good, we might just want to try IVF. not so fast!! that scared us a little, so it was nice when my doctor went through the several options we have before spending $15,000 we don’t have! even better is that we’re going to try clomid and two other meds combined before we’re referred to the RE. This is good for many reasons… we do not have to shell out $500 for the consultation yet, part of the meds are covered under our insurance, and I get to stay under her care for the time being. Trust is a big issue for me and I appreciate her bedside manner, knowledge and honest talk. my husband and I both left feeling re-energized, focus, and dare I say hopeful again? it’s been a long couple of months and it was taking a toll on us. it’s still not easy and I don’t feel like we have clear answers, but perhaps it’s not answers we need at this point… it’s simply possibilities that can make a world of difference.
03/09/2009
First time blogger…
I’ve never had a blog. I am cautious with the internet and sometimes feel people post too much information about themselves, or too readily reveal private things to complete strangers via the internet… when in person, you would hesitate until at least the 2nd or 3rd meeting/date to tell them these things. Yet, here I sit at the computer.
Infertility can make you feel alone – even if you have friends that have been dealing with it for years. When it happens to YOU… well, suddenly the only things you notice is how everyone around you is either pregnant, has ten kids, or are being invited to baby showers. And at that moment… the lights in the room darken and you are standing alone in the spotlight… as if you are caught onstage completely naked in front of the world. At least, that’s how it felt for me.
So this blog is a test. I started reading forums, message boards, other people’s blogs and decided I would give it a try. I would face my fear. What better way to not feel alone in this journey? I am still going to keep a journal – one that I can take with me wherever I go, but I find it quicker & easier to get all my thoughts out by typing. And everything I have read from the forums or other woman’s blog has already helped me immensely… and if one person comes across this blog & is reminded that someone else has been there… well, I hope I am blessed enough to have given back what people I don’t even know face to face have given me!
With the grace of God... my fertility journey. 